December 2011
5 posts
Stevie Nicks has never recorded a cover of “Hava Nagila” during a short-lived Kabbalah phase.
Stevie Nicks has never unknowingly dipped a sleeve in the bowl of eggnog and spent the next eight hours wondering why she smelled nutmeg.
Stevie Nicks has never lazily traced her finger across a lover and literally not known what month it was.
Stevie Nicks has never wished that fire flickered sideways, so sometimes it would spell “E,” like in StEviE.
Stevie Nicks has never used a bundle of feathers as a tampon.
Stevie Nicks has never overdone it on the eggnog.
April 2010
8 posts
Stevie Nicks has never had to do a few focus groups to fund her between-album benders.
Stevie Nicks has never had a pet ferret named Sword Dancer.
Stevie Nicks has never described watching Avatar as “a spiritual violation”.
Stevie Nicks has never referred to clowns as “Eostra’s Rejects”.
Stevie Nicks has never thrown a dreamcatcher at a street performer who was butchering one of her songs.
Stevie Nicks has never covered “Colors of the Wind” in ASL.
Stevie Nicks has never been escorted out of an NA meeting for constantly interrupting.
Stevie Nicks has never called a bruise a crushed velvet blossom.
March 2010
1 post
February 2010
1 post
Stevie Nicks has never wanted to be a den mother.
January 2010
34 posts
Stevie Nicks has never smelled like beer-soaked carpet and Charlie perfume.
Sandra Lee has never made her hangover worse by watching her own show Sunday morning.
Sandra Lee has never tablescaped the altar at a godchild’s First Communion.
Sandra Lee has never served Paula Deen Almond Toppers™ to an enemy with a nut allergy.
Sandra Lee has never been brought up on Child Endangerment charges.
Sandra Lee has never had a brown Persian named Duncan Hines.
Sandra Lee has never promised to bring her Kwanzaa cake to public schoolchildren as First Lady of New York.
Sandra Lee has never flashed her tits during an 8-year-old’s birthday party.
Sandra Lee has never been arrested for shoplifting while hopped up on schnapps at Michael’s Crafts.
Sandra Lee has never gotten drunk enough to hit on her gay brother.
Sandra Lee has never tie-dyed with blue Curaçao.
Sandra Lee has never been bitch-slapped by Andrew Cuomo for hot-gluing KFC chicken parts together & trying to pass it off as a Thanksgiving feast.
Sandra Lee has never gotten busted by Giada De Laurentiis when she tried to roofie Tyler Florence’s cocktail while taping a Food Network holiday special.
Sandra Lee has never dipped her bosom in the champagne sherbet punch.
Sandra Lee has never slipped and referred to her nephew Bryce as “my son.”
Sandra Lee has never worn a whipped cream bikini.
Sandra Lee Has Never...
One of our favorite traditions here at Stevie Nicks Has Never… is the practice of inviting Friends of Stevie to participate in our fun. We’re bringing back the special guests and are pleased to announce that today, and throughout the weekend, Stevie welcomes her dear friend Sandra Lee!
Stevie Nicks has never used a dream-catcher as a pasta strainer.
Stevie Nicks has never responded to the news that Jamiroquai beat Fleetwood Mac for a Grammy (no, it happened) by writing his lawyer a cease-and-desist letter calling for “the end of Mr. Jay Kay’s unapproved use of a head device that resembles my famous top hat.”
Stevie Nicks has never planned the wrong kind of ski trip for MLK Jr weekend.
Stevie Nicks has never told someone to hold her turquoise before a catfight.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to start drinking her morning coffee from a chalice again.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to write a song about Warren Beatty.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to walk to work instead of riding the broomstick.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to outsell Shirley MacLaine’s chakra jewelry on QVC this year.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to fix the binding on her Book of Shadows.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to send Samhain cards this year.
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Stevie Nicks has never resolved that this will be the year she’ll perfect her Dve Gitary.
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Stevie Nicks has never resolved to spend more quality time with her pet doves.
Stevie Nicks has never resolved to stop stalking that one USC marching band hottie she fucked in her trailer during the filming of the ‘Tusk’ video.
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Stevie Nicks has never resolved to become fluent in Cat.
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Stevie Nicks has never resolved to book that sweat lodge trip she’s been talking about.